8

My fiery little girl turned 8 this week. She revelled in all the love and attention she received and was glowing with joy and excitement. 

Mathilde is by far the child that makes me work on myself the most. She is demanding, impatient, very sensitive and very intense. She knows want she wants. Yep, she is a lot like me.

She struggles with being the little sister of twins, with not having that unique soul connexion Mara and Aisha share. And who can blame her for that?

She is very strong-willed, extremely social and outgoing and starts 10 projects and finishes none. She loves taking care of little ones, she is very generous and so full of love.

After a particularly hard day a few weeks ago, JF and I had a good laugh impersonating her as a young adult with her partner, door slamming, foot stamping and all... When I look into her dark deep eyes, I see the woman she is slowly becoming. Not to be tamed in the least. Air and fire in their truest expression. And I keep walking this beautiful path alongside her, even when the smoke of her fire is burning my eyes...

Aisha created many games for her.

Mara made her a felt pony.

Papa gave her a woodworking set (only one tiny injury to report so far...).

 I offered her two more beautiful kits from Heidi Boyd.

A beautiful raw snack she prepared for herself.

A gorgeous handmade apron our friend Stephanie offered her. Perfect to go with the great vegetarian cookbook she received from her Mamie (we haven't found any vegan cookbook for children in French on the market... Let me know if you know of any.).

Joy in the simple things

They always find great joy in the simplest things. 
A leaf pile. A forgotten book. An improvised concert.
I wish they will never lose their ability to do so.

Grape harvest 2013

It's this time of year again! Those of you who have been reading the blog for a long time probably remember our friends who have a biodynamic vineyard and how we were there to plant the first vines in 2009, when the girls were still tiny. We were there in 2010 and then in 2011 for the first grape harvest (it was a very small harvest, we were done in 2 hours!). We missed them in 2012 since we were doing our roadtrip across the States. This year they did 6 days of harvesting. True to the tradition, Mamie Marie made a delicious meal for all the grape pickers!

A 24 hour getaway

Chatting till 1 o'clock sipping herbal tea by the fire, waking up to a room filled with sunlight and the smiliest baby ever, hours of imaginative play in the sandpit and lots of giggles on the trampoline, a beautiful hike through boulders and fallen leaves. Stepping out of my routine was just what I needed it seems.

Real-life learning

My friend calls me with a shaky voice. She just fell off the ladder (they are building their home right now) and hurt her leg. She needs to go to the hospital right now. The girls and I, worried, rush to her and help her climb in the Westfalia. Once we get there, Mara helps me find a wheelchair to bring her in. We wait while she is in triage. The girls have never been to the E.R. before and they want to know what will happen to our friend. We can see through the window what the nurse is doing. What is that thing she puts on her finger (oxygen saturation), does it hurt? We talk about x-rays and that men with a bloody hand wrapped in homemade bandages and that little baby with a cut on his face. Mathilde offers my friend to hold her water bottle while she searches for something in her purse (this little girl is so sensitive to others!). And we leave her there in a room full of people, while ambulances rush in and we wonder how long she will have to wait...

Our girls have been worried about her boys who stayed home, even if they were old enough to be home by themselves. "They looked worried, mama, we should call them to tell them the nurse said it probably wasn't broken." Which we do. Their papa is back from work, worried for his wife, feeling terrible that she was not able to reach him ("I had a feeling something was off at home this afternoon, he says, I feel aweful I wasn't there for her. I am always there for her..." They are such an amazing couple those two!). He brings the boy over while he goes there to meet her (the girls have set up the table and are quite excited to have their friends over to share corn on the cob with... "and maybe we can have those coconut rolls that you keep up high for desert, mama?". Aisha, my thoughtful little girl, says: "she must be hungry by now, we should pack her a lunch." And we do, a dream lunch for little girls: sesame sticks, chips, quinoa chocolate chips cookies and freshly-picked apples.

A few hours later, they came back home, without having even seen a doctor... Ambulances kept rushing in (there had been an accident in town) and the waiting time had increased to 9 hours (after having waited for 4 already...). Our free healthcare system is a blessing, but it comes with a different price tag... In moments like that, I truly miss the Yukon and its empty E.R., the smiles and familiar faces (at 18 months, Mathilde had cellulitis, a chicken pox complication, and had to go to the E.R. every 8 hours for an i.v. drop and she and us were treated like king and queens... and there was the croup attack night when Mara was 14 months old, and the amazing Indian doctor - the husband of our family doctor - that was funny, reassuring and so very nice with all of us - and no waiting time, of course!). Last summer when we were visiting the Yukon, I was admitted for a crazy painful migraine attack and we had to wait for 2 hours (the longest I had ever waited there). They had me wait in a dark room (much easier for migraines) and the nurse kept bringing me warmed blankets (like the ones they brought me when I gave birth to the twins in that same hospital) and saying how sorry she that I had to wait so long (there had be an helicopter accident that night and the son of one of our friend was involved...). If only she knew how bad it is in Quebec...

:: My little seed collector. Do you remember her idea for the traveler's garden? ::

:: We got introduced to THE board game: Agricola (by Uwe Rosenberg). We are hooked! ::

:: Lot of watercolor around here these days ::

:: Playing with her papa's flute ::

:: A really cool secret agent themed birthday party my friend organized for her son's 13th birthday ::

Earlier that same day, our friend Alex came as he does every week with his old ambulance full of organic fruits and veggies (he goes to the wholesallers in Montreal). It is always exciting for the girls to see all his treasures (yesterday he had delicious longans, pitayanas and grenadillas on top of the more usual fruits and veggies). He always give the girls something to try. Yesterday, we fell in love with his dates in coconut. Alex and I really understand each other. We are intense. We are people of convictions. We have big ideas and we are idealistic. I love to chat with him and we did just that for a good 2 hours yesterday while the girls made a special juice from starfruit, strawberries, blueberries and watermelon for their dad. They overheard most of our conversation and I was glad they did. I am so thankful our girls are part of the real life. Imagine the day they would have missed if they had been in school? So many life lessons in only a day!

 :: A gift we made for a little friend of ours, from this great pattern ::

Home

Sitting in that room full of women, wipping tears quickly as the films credits  appear on the screen, I looked at my dear friend siting beside me and we silently acknowledged the blessing of our first-world problems. Girl Rising is a documentary that tells the stories of girls from around the world and how the power of education can change the world, of how one girl with courage can be a revolution. 

We left talking about our daughters and how lucky they are to be born here... and how they have no idea of what other girls their age are going through in other parts of the world. 

We had hiked in beautiful Gatineau Park earlier that day, discussing our latest challenges, the redundancy of the themes in our lives, a longing for more, for something to be different. It seemed like such a luxury now. 

Once again, I am reminded that wherever we are, if we are safe, fed, clothed, sheltered and loved, we are home.

Freedom

I remember not so long ago when we were traveling across the States and I was reading some of my favorite bloggers sharing their excitement about creating a home for their family; Erin who was converting a church into a beautiful house, Nici who was working at renovating a great house in Missoula and Soulemama who makes her house more homey by the day... And there were the farmers and gardeners who kept reminding me about our past life on the farm; Taisa and her northern life that reminds me so much of our time in the Yukon, and Rachel, who has lived and gardened on her property for over 18 years and who is such a treat to read... As much as their stories spoke to me, I felt so disconnected from their reality. It was something I did not long for and thought I would not long for for a good while...

Now that we are back in our little house in Quebec, I catch myself dreaming of a home that feels like home, a kitchen (or a bathroom) where we can be 2 without going crazy, missing our farm house, missing the presence of animals in my life (it's probably not helping that I am reading The Dirty Life)... The girls keep cramming everything they own on their bed in their tiny shared bedroom, because it's the only place that is theirs... Nowhere to find silence and quiet if one wants it... The colder it gets, the smaller our little chalet house feels. I know we are blessed to have a roof over our heads and I am truly grateful for that, but when you live 5 in a house 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, space is not a luxury... unless you really want to get on each others nerves... (oh the violin practices!!...).

I hear you say that we lived in a trailer for a year... but it's so different when you are camping and living outside most of the day... I didn't mind our small house in Costa Rica because we didn't live in it. We pretty much only slept in it! We ate our 3 meals outside and spent our days outside... It's so very different than in the North... and very different with growing girls that need more space in general (and from each other in particular...).

:: A banner Nini and I made for a friend's surprise party ::

:: Celebrating! ::

:: A drawing Aisha made on wool transformation ::

:: There is a great story of a daughter of the Chinese Realm who was having tea under a mulberry bush when a worm-cocoon fell into her hot tea and she unspun the fiber and realized how long it was, and thus was born the silk industry ::

:: Still talking about the pioneers and learning more English words by the same token (no, my girls are not bilingual yet!) ::

:: The root cellar ::

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:: Discovering linen and learning some embroidery stitches at the same time ::

There are bumper stickers for Westfalia owners that say: Home is where you park it. And this is what you realize when you travel: you can be home anywhere. Why is it harder to feel home in one place than in many temporary places then?... Or is it only a traveler's problem? How is it that I long for a place to call home while at the same time dreaming of being totally free and travel to my heart's content?

I am pretty much always clear about where I want to be, where I am heading and what my vision is for my family and myself. But right now, everything is muddled. It’s an unusual feeling for me. Sitting through this haze requires lots of faith and patience… I feel very vulnerable, unsettled.

The freedom our lifestyle provides us is sometimes dizzying. We are truly blessed, I know. And I want to keep that freedom and this is why I wanted to sell our house and go. But are we truly free if we don't have a home base, move around endlessly until we drop from too much of it? What would make me truly feel free? And in the end, is freedom the ultimate goal? Or wouldn't it rather be contentment?

What do you think? What does make you feel free?