Tuesday, September 22, 2015

On skills, time and quiet

In a world of busy and fast-pace everything, most of us relish quiet and time. If there is only one thing that I wish my girls will feel grateful for when they grow up, it's the time we tried to give them to be who they are. Even as homeschoolers, it's easy to overschedule our kids (but they love it! *It* being, the dance classes, the soccer team meets, the guitar lessons...). And we become the family taxi driver, believing firmly that this is in the best interest of our children...



We want to give them the best chances. I get it. But what if giving them the best chances in life was not as much about how many instruments they can play or about enrolling them in as many activities as possible...What if by giving them some time and space to simply be, we were giving them even more important skills. The skill to dig inside them, to not rely only on outside entertainment, on adults' guidance to create something beautiful. To be happy on their own.



I also hope that by seeing us choosing to be present with them and to enjoy life, they will want that for themselves too. By enjoying nature, its quiet, its beauty and its centering effect on all of us, I hope they will want to protect it and come back to it to find their own center, their own peace.




6 comments:

Emilie said...

Hi Catherine :)
1st comment on Catherine et les fées :) I'm stalking you! :p
This question you're tackling here is at the center of my daily worries...What if Liam, my little boy, gets bored with me? What if I'm not offering him enough activities, a wide enough range of entertainments, of games, etc. I've decided to stop working alltogether to give him time precisely (ie not wake him up at dawn to drop him somewhere after he's gulped his breakfast in 5secs or let him sleep or rest whenever he wants, etc.) but everyday I find myself rushing him to the park so he can enjoy the sun and the open air (which he could enjoy as much from our garden...) or to the kids club so that he'll enjoy the company of his pairs,etc. Where do you draw the line between the need for social activities/outer activities and the "letting be"? I know he's only 18 months old and I'm probably asking myself too many questions, but this is tough.
Glad you re-opened the blog! :)
Emilie

Catherine said...

Hi Emilie! I'm glad to "see" you here! Emilie! Your son is 18 months old!! Isn't crazy how programmed we are to wonder if we are enough?? Seriously! We are so afraid to understimulate our children, that way too often, we OVERstimulate them. In the last 20 years, there has been a LOT of talk about stimulating children (advice from social workers working with low-income families who truly understimulated families... but it is far from the case for MOST families). The problem I see nowadays is quite the opposite... We are so scared of not providing all the opportunities to our children that we overbook them... from a VERY early age. That's why I really like Steiner's take on the early year. An 18 yo need a rythmic quiet home life. One or two outings per week (plus daily time of free play outside in nature) is way enough. More than that, and you drain the life forces from them, forces they need to grow and build a strong body and mind.

mamamajuly said...

So well said Catherine! To Emilie, I suggest reading the book Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne. Recommended reading for all new parents, in my opinion!

Marie said...

Bonjour Catherine,

Très beau texte encore. Quoi dire de plus. Pour Émilie, parce que je connais très bien la société française relativement à la petite enfance, je dirais qu'il faut prendre du recul et écouter son enfant. Il ne faut pas oublier que là-bas, la socialisation précoce est très valorisée et que l'école commence à 3 ans (même 2 ans et demi dans plusieurs cas!). Personnellement, je me suis fait djre là-bas que je devrais mettre mon bébé de 6 mois en halte-garderie deux fois par semaine pour le socialiser! Mais bon, tout le monde ne pense que comme ça, rassurez-vous ;-)
Le livre Simplicity Parenting recommandé par mamamajuly est excellent! Une bonne référence :-)

Catherine said...

Très bons points, Marie! La France est un autre monde comparativement au Canada...

Emilie said...

Merci bien, Mesdames, pour vos conseils bienveillants et très censés :)
j'ai effectivement été moi-même scolarisée à l'âge de 2 ans et demi, et les bébés de 3mois sont ici à la crèche ou chez la nounou de 8h à 18h quand leurs mères reprennent le boulot. C'est d'une tristesse. C'est pour ça que j'ai décidé d'arrêter de bosser, malgré le sacrifice financier.
La sociabilisation a bon dos ici en France, et si je mets mon petit 2 matinées par semaine à la halte-garderie, c'est parce que j'ai besoin de souffler et d'un peu de temps pour moi, et pas pour le sociabiliser! Nous avons la famille et les amis pour cela :)
Difficile d'aller contre la pensée "mainstream" ici, on est regardé comme des révolutionnaires, ou des inadapatés!
Pour préciser, je n'ai vraiment pas l'impression de sur-stimuler mon petit, c'est juste que quand je vois des activités Montessori ou Reggio ou autres, je panique en me disant "et si je n'avais pas la créativité de penser à telle ou telle activité/jeu/etc.). J'essaie d'avoir une routine tranquille, mais c'est vrai qu'on ressent beaucoup de pression, surtout pour un premier enfant. On veut faire au mieux.
MERCI beaucoup pour vos conseils, je vais regarder Steiner de plus près, et noter la référence de cet ouvrage de Kim John Payne :)
A bientôt sur ces pages!!!
Emilie :)