Coming home

As we inched towards the Canadian border, I tried to stay present with the mixed feelings that were arising within me. The magical feeling of the time spent with amazing new friends, the sadness of seeing our trip come to an end, the excitment of meeting with dear friends in Ottawa very soon and seeing more dear friends and family members that we dearly missed this year in the next few weeks, reintegrating our home, unpacking, cleaning, getting back to some kind of a *normal* life, and what this means for me right now…
What I know is that this year has been one of the happiest for me and I am not really looking forward to get back to a house life per se. I would stop by in a campground or two in Quebec for a month or two to catch up with friends and family members that we dearly miss and would be totally happy to keep traveling in my trailer… I’d go to Maine for a few months, then Oregon… then, California, then, then…

The life we lived in that year was quite unique. Can you imagine that I didn’t need to use a calendar for a whole year? No appointments, no obligations, no meetings… nothing written down… just the inspiration of the day. I loved that. I totally loved the spontaneity and simplicity of our days.

:: Beautiful Letchworth State Park: they call it the Grand Canyon of the East ::

By any mean, it’s not always easy on the road. We just had a really big rush for work this week. Working in a trailer with 3 children can be a challenge at the best of times, sometimes the new surroundings help, but most times, having my mom or friends nearby would be really helpful, for sure. But this week, amidst the rush of work and transitioning back to Canada, the girls amazed us once more. Of their own volition, they made meals, washed the dishes, cleaned the bathroom (and a really dirty toilet: Mathilde, you go girl!) and when the contract was handed, they celebrated by telling us to sleep in while they prepared a surprise breakfast! 

 There is also the relationship to stuff. When I think about reintegrating our space, even just for a short period of time, I feel overwhelmed by the idea of dealing with our stuff… We don’t even have that much, but once you learn to live with what you can carry with you, well, any more than that feels overwhelming really. So basically, going back home, right now, except for the joy of connecting with my loved ones, feels like work, unpacking (house storage and trailer), scheduled life and well, just a lot to do compared to the rythm of the last year… It will be a transition for sure.

The girls are excited to go back home and JF needs some down time, so it’s time to go back, I think. One year on the road is long. Summer simply feels to me like a weird time to come back!

I feel a bit like this one time I was coming back from a week-long trip in Gaspésie when I just started University. I felt lost. Going back to the reality of my life was hard, even if at that time, that reality was quite different. There is something with the coming back from an adventure that makes my heart sink. I want to hold on to it. I know you’ll tell me it’s just normal. I love what my friend Laurence wrote on my FB page when I mentioned having mixed feelings about our return : each ending will be followed by a new beginning. Yes. I know, but I believe that my melancholic side sometimes like to linger in the sadness of what I am leaving behind, not of what is ahead. And I am trying to honor that right now. I feel quite vulnerable sharing this here. But I am OK with being vulnerable, because this is part of being human. And I am meeting more and more of my humanity every day.