Light and darkness

My friend wrote to me the other day saying something that really touched me. She said: Et j'ai tellement peur. Peur de moi, peur de ma lumière, peur de mes ténèbres (And I am so afraid. Afraid of myself, afraid of my luminous side, afraid of my dark side).

I know I struggle right now with finding peace with my luminous side as well as with my darker side. My bubbly, impetuous, unsettled and adventurous side is partly what lights my fire... It is also draining to be me in the humdrum of everyday tasks, in the midst of real dailiness... Unsatisfied with routine and the usual flow of life, I feel like my fire is dying... Which easily brings me to the darker side of myself... My stubborness to create a life I feel is worth living for. Life easily lacks purpose for me; it quickly gets boring and tasteless...

Of course, wherever I look, I see purpose, love, meaning... It is joy that I struggle the most to find lately.

I know however that discomfort needs to be embraced. And this is where it gets tricky for me: discomfort prompts me to act. It is a driving force that motivates me to be better, to reach for what is calling me. But sometimes, I wonder if my discomfort-o-meter is not too sensitive... 

I want to be content with life, but not settle for what it is.

And as I try to embrace my dark side, I am reminded that it is inseparable from my luminous side. They are truly only one. The many complex facets that make me, me.