Mathilde finished her dishrag pretty quickly and Mara made a good head start on her scarf, but Aïsha was grumpy and teary-eyed saying her blanket was not advancing as fast as she hoped. I did some rows for her while we drove towards San Antonio, but by 8 pm, she was a teary mess and simply wanted the blanket to be done and over with... It was not the first time I noticed that reaction when she knitted and gently suggested that maybe, she didn't really like knitting... She kept on crying and said that she wanted to like it, but did not have any pleasure doing it, it was just too slow for her... I told her it was totally OK, that it was not because I and her sisters liked knitting that she had to like that activity too and went on to tell her how her papa made me realize a few years back that I did not seem to really like sewing... As much as I tried and wanted to like it (and had the best teacher in the world living with us, my grandma), each time I was working on my machine, I was swearing and mad... He gave me permission to drop that activity by allowing me to acknowledge that it was not because my mom and my grandma were great seamstresses and that I really wanted to make the girls the wonderful clothes I saw on the blogs I was reading at the time, that I had to like sewing. Aïsha listened to me with her big brown eyes still wet and sighed. I could see she felt relieved. We played 5 crowns and she went to bed. Once she fell asleep, Mathilde and Mara worked on her blanket and by 10:15, they had made half of it. I finished it by midnight. She was so happy when she woke up! I helped her embroider an elephant on it the way she was seeing it in her head... and she was very pleased with the result...
For Christmas, the girls each received a kit from Heidi Boyd by my Grandma and they all loved them!
If she had been in another family or at school, she would probably have been made to finish her blanket project since mama had spent money on that yarn and it was her idea (or because her Waldorf manual work teacher wanted them to have finish the blanket by the following week). Some of you might think that you have to make your children follow through so they will learn commitment. A child that is forced to finish something (be it a blanket or to go back to a swimming class they dislike because the parent has paid for it) is only learning to be overpowered by the will of the adult and he is learning that what he feels inside is less important than what the adult thinks... and all he is learning from that experience is how frustrating it is to be a child and to feel powerless.
Listening to that little voice inside and honoring it is the most basic gift we can give our children. Allowing them to find out who they are, what they like, what makes them feel alive and happy and connected to who they are. This is our job as a parent. Commitment and motivation come naturally when something speaks to you and you resonate with it, when you love what you do and feel joyful about it. If only we could drop all those rules we have in our head and all those fears that we have (but if I don't make him stick to it, he will become lazy and will never finish anything...) and just see those wondeful children and truly listen to what they are telling us, there would be much more joy in this world.
Mathilde's Soulemama inspired embroidery project
Right On.
ReplyDeleteIf you were here you'd see me standing to give you an ovation. I love this post, it's a total life changer.
Printing....
And awesome job to help the blanket get finished and give sister some joy - that's a waaay more important "lesson" than "finishing what you start even if you hate it." Like I said. RIGHT ON!
You should submit this to Home Education magazine Catherine, it would be perfect for them, and I could totally see you becoming a regular columnist for them.
Comme tu es sage ma grande.
ReplyDeleteCe que je lis me touche beaucoup.
Penny, thank you so much for your nice words (and thank you so much for being a regular commenter!!). I find my English is not magazine level yet...
ReplyDeleteMerci Momzie, tu es ma plus grande admiratrice!!
Well said! It's a beautiful thing to watch our children find themselves and their passions everyday because they have the opportunity to do (and NOT do) so. I've only discovered my own life loves in the last six years or so, the many years before that striving to be what other people thought I should be.
ReplyDeleteYes, Andrea, it was exactlty the same for me. I always loved crafting and art but was redirected to sciences since good students did not do art (and what money was there to make in arts?...). I am so glad to give my girls the opportunity to follow their hearts.
ReplyDeleteMerci Catherine ! MERCI
ReplyDeleteVraiment très touchant et vrai ton billet. C'est vrai qu'on aurait intérêt à agir ainsi avec les enfants, pourquoi les forcer à faire quelque chose quand on sent qu'il n'aime pas ça. J'ai été très touchée par le fait que ses petites soeurs aident à finir son projet. Bravo à toi pour cet enseignement.
ReplyDeleteOui, Suzanne, moi aussi ça m'a pas mal touché... Elles voulaient le finir pour lui faire une surprise mais tombaient de fatigue... Elles s'aiment tellement ces trois-là!
ReplyDeleteelles sont adorables tes filles! tomber de fatigue pr finir l'écharpe de leur soeur... c est à brailler et à rire tellement c est beau.
ReplyDeletec est drôle parce que moi j'ai tjrs vu aisha comme PARTANTE POUR TOUT, adorant tout. en tout cas tout ce qui touche au plein air. et c est la première fois que je lis qu elle trippe moins sur un truc que les autres, alors ca montre bien qu elles sont si différentes et c est merveilleux ainsi! c est aisha qui a voulu finir la méga rando seule avec son père... rappelle lui ca! moi je sais pas faire la moitié de ce qu,elle sait faire en tricot etc et je n,en meurs pas. donc c'est pas si important si elle aime pas ca. le truc c est juste d'arriver à s'écouter. et faire ce qu'on aime .car alors on le fait bien!
vous êtes beaux à voir grandir tous ensemble!
je t'embrasse fort
jo
ps: c est génial que tu lui aies raconté ta propre expérience avec la couture. les enfants nous voient souvent comme des superhéros et de savoir que nous aussi on doute parfois,on est imparfaits, on se plante, ca leur fait du bien je crois. ca leur donne l'option d'être eux aussi imparfaits.
Merci Jo! Mon travail c'est de les aider à trouver ce qui les fait vibrer, ce qui leur parle, alors c'est ce que je tente de faire!
ReplyDeleteOh, c'est tellement beau, j'adorerais faire ces petits renards ;-)
ReplyDeleteSuperbe texte! Ça tombe tellement pile pour moi en ce moment. J'ai l'impression depuis le début de l'année d'avoir dérivé et d'être devenue la maman qui gère, plutôt que d'être celle qui accompagne ses filles et «les aide à trouver ce qui les fait vibrer». J'imprime et je colle au mur, pour y penser souvent et me remettre en piste...
ReplyDeleteMerci d'avoir ravivé ce vieux billet! Ça me fait du bien de me relire!!
ReplyDelete