Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Coming home

As we inched towards the Canadian border, I tried to stay present with the mixed feelings that were arising within me. The magical feeling of the time spent with amazing new friends, the sadness of seeing our trip come to an end, the excitment of meeting with dear friends in Ottawa very soon and seeing more dear friends and family members that we dearly missed this year in the next few weeks, reintegrating our home, unpacking, cleaning, getting back to some kind of a *normal* life, and what this means for me right now…
What I know is that this year has been one of the happiest for me and I am not really looking forward to get back to a house life per se. I would stop by in a campground or two in Quebec for a month or two to catch up with friends and family members that we dearly miss and would be totally happy to keep traveling in my trailer… I’d go to Maine for a few months, then Oregon… then, California, then, then…


The life we lived in that year was quite unique. Can you imagine that I didn’t need to use a calendar for a whole year? No appointments, no obligations, no meetings… nothing written down… just the inspiration of the day. I loved that. I totally loved the spontaneity and simplicity of our days.
:: Beautiful Letchworth State Park: they call it the Grand Canyon of the East ::

By any mean, it’s not always easy on the road. We just had a really big rush for work this week. Working in a trailer with 3 children can be a challenge at the best of times, sometimes the new surroundings help, but most times, having my mom or friends nearby would be really helpful, for sure. But this week, amidst the rush of work and transitioning back to Canada, the girls amazed us once more. Of their own volition, they made meals, washed the dishes, cleaned the bathroom (and a really dirty toilet: Mathilde, you go girl!) and when the contract was handed, they celebrated by telling us to sleep in while they prepared a surprise breakfast! 
 There is also the relationship to stuff. When I think about reintegrating our space, even just for a short period of time, I feel overwhelmed by the idea of dealing with our stuff… We don’t even have that much, but once you learn to live with what you can carry with you, well, any more than that feels overwhelming really. So basically, going back home, right now, except for the joy of connecting with my loved ones, feels like work, unpacking (house storage and trailer), scheduled life and well, just a lot to do compared to the rythm of the last year… It will be a transition for sure.
The girls are excited to go back home and JF needs some down time, so it’s time to go back, I think. One year on the road is long. Summer simply feels to me like a weird time to come back!
I feel a bit like this one time I was coming back from a week-long trip in Gaspésie when I just started University. I felt lost. Going back to the reality of my life was hard, even if at that time, that reality was quite different. There is something with the coming back from an adventure that makes my heart sink. I want to hold on to it. I know you’ll tell me it’s just normal. I love what my friend Laurence wrote on my FB page when I mentioned having mixed feelings about our return : each ending will be followed by a new beginning. Yes. I know, but I believe that my melancholic side sometimes like to linger in the sadness of what I am leaving behind, not of what is ahead. And I am trying to honor that right now. I feel quite vulnerable sharing this here. But I am OK with being vulnerable, because this is part of being human. And I am meeting more and more of my humanity every day.

16 comments:

Andréann said...

Bon retour à vous tous!

Marianne said...

Bon retour chez-vous... même si notre aventure est bien différente de la vôtre, je comprends plusieurs des sentiments qui t'habitent durant cette période de transition...

Stephanie said...

I completely understand your feeling, we had the sudden awaken into reality last september, we wanted our freedom to continue. Just take this as a time to replenish before setting off to new adventures. A lovely summer is waiting you in Quebec!
I'm sure of it:)

xxx

Catherine said...

Merci les filles... Marianne, je sais que ce que tu vis dois ressembler à ça! La transition, ça te connaît! J'ai hâte de vous voir!!

Stephanie, thank you. I think I will feel more able to enjoy this time "at home" when we will have a clearer plan of our next adventures. I have a hard time not knowing what our next step will be (but not when I am traveling, strangely enough...). I know you understand. And it always feel good to know someone truly understands... Thank you!

Sarah-Our Island Home said...

Welcome back! Thank you for sharing your feelings. A new adventure is surely just around the corner and in the mean time, you have year's worth of extraordinary memories to carry you.

Fleur de Paix said...

C'est merveilleux de rester connectée avec nos sentiments du moment présent, même quand ils sont un défi. Gros câlin à toi !

Lors de ton passage dans mon coin (Gatineau), je te conseille le DÉLICIEUX resto végé La Belle Verte sur la rue Eddy !

Catherine said...

Merci Sarah et Jacinthe!

Oui, de nouvelles aventures nous attendent sans aucun doute. Il me faut d'abord accueillir les sentiments du retour! Merci pour la super suggestion de resto!!

Penny in VT said...

I have no doubt you will bloom beautifully - planted or on the road :) It has been an honor and a joy to read of your adventures for years now Catherine - best wishes as you take your next steps!

Catherine said...

Thank you, sweet Penny. It's an honor to be read by you. Thank you for commenting.

lored said...

Catherine je me sens tellement honorée que tu me mentionnes :)
Je suis certaine que tu vas réussir à trouver la force intérieure pour apprivoiser ces sentiments pourtant nécessaires. Et je les comprends et connais tellement bien ces sentiments, même si je n'ai pas encore eu la joie de vivre une telle aventure.
Merci encore de nous faire partager toutes ces tranches de vies, tellement riches en événements, en lieux, en couleurs, en sentiments...
xxx
Laurence

Joanna said...

tu me fais penser à mon fils qui se lève d'Une longue sieste, tout croche... on dirait qu'il était parti tellement loin ds son monde, ds ses rêves, que son âme prend un certain temps à revenir ds le présent ou en tout cas, avec nous.
les autochtones disent qu'il ne faut pas voyager trop vite pr laisser le temps à notre âme de nous suivre. J'aime bcp cette idée... c'est pour ca que j'ai tjrs préféré les voyages en train ou à pied à l'avion par exemple. je pense que ton âme est juste pas encore rendue au qc... donne lui un peu de temps :O)
et puis se charger les bateries de québéquitude pr repartir après, vois ca comme une respiration: inspire, expire... c est simple :O)

j'ai vraiment hâte de vous revoir!

ps: la dernière photo de matt avec la fleur, waw, mais elle est splendide ta fille!!!

Francesca said...

you aren't going back to a house life! the travel memories you discussed with regard to your daughter are in all of you. traveling doesn't end in a suitcase, but lives within the persons, and it will shape your family life, even in a non-mobile house.

Francesca said...

you aren't going back to a house life! the travel memories you discussed with regard to your daughter are in all of you. traveling doesn't end in a suitcase, but lives within the persons, and it will shape your family life, even in a non-mobile house.

Catherine said...

Ça me fait bien plaisir Laurence!

C'est très juste Joanna... et merci de tes belles réflexions!

Francesca, you are so right! I need to keep that in mind!

Anonymous said...

Nous sommes au milieu de notre voyage en Europe de six mois avec nos trois enfants et bien évidement on pense un peu au retour alors merci de partager tes sentiments et tous ces merveilleux moments et photos sur ton blog,
Julie
www.ordutemps.uniterre.com

Catherine said...

Bonjour Julie!
J'aimerais bien jeter un œil à votre blog, mais l'adresse que tu m'as laissée ne semble pas fonctionner... Le retour n'est pas toujours facile... Profitez de votre périple!