Wednesday, June 26, 2013


I keep sitting in front of the computer to write, but the words do not flow. I feel empty of words. There is turmoil inside, tears running down while I prepare a lovely raw pear pie, when I water the plants. I just try to stay present and have compassion for myself and my family. Isn't that the best one can do? My friend Renee's post has really resonated with me and has helped me find compassion again. I love that she writes: "Perhaps I thought as a young woman that I could construct my world in such a way to eliminate the struggle." Yes. Perhaps, I thought so too. I sure wished that. Until, just like her, I realized that as long as I am human, I will struggle at times.
:: Making pretzels ::
:: We finally have room for watercolor painting ::
And yet there are so many moments of presence throughout my days, so much love. And in my practical mind, I cannot help but wonder why I still struggle so much, why my usual tools are not working, why the inner work isn't enough. Why all the muddy waters?

Probably because the river of life is not one long, clear stream... and that it is never the same water that passes through.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Inspiring friends

My friend Joanna, who is in the midst of a move to Val-David, where they will be building a new house for themselves in the forest, took the time to come and see us. She drove alone with her 2 month old Jacob and 4 year old. This woman is fearless! I am realizing lately how I am surrounded by such strong and fierce women. I am so inspired by them!

 :: I decided to keep the Lego in my grandma's old suitcase instead of a Rubbermaid bin. That makes me like Legos a little bit more... ::

I love to cook beautiful mostly raw vegan food for Joanna because she always truly enjoys and appreciates it! And Matteo is such an open and easy eater too. It was so awesome to see him help himself to a second piece of the Thrive recipe book raw pizza that I had at Martine and Andy's in Rossland and that I could not wait to make again!

I also made raw ice cream cones for the kids (with banana fruit leathers that I shape over plastic glasses and dehydrated again until they were crispy, although this time, they weren't because I started them too late... but they were still a hit), filled with raw banana-cherry-blueberry Champion ice cream topped with raw chocolate crunch (soaked and dehydrated, then coated with melted coconut oil, cacao powder and honey and dehydrated again). Yummy!

 :: The lovely Jacob ::

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Meet Christophe

Christophe has light in his eyes. Christophe is the son of the daughter of... well, it's complicated! You know how those things go... There was Jean-Mo, my mom's partner for over 10 years (the girls made him a big felted heart for Christmas when we lived at the farm, scroll down, you'll find his picture) and Christophe would have been his grandson. I am not going to write how Jean-Mo would have loved to meet his grandson and how proud he would be to see his daughter become a mom, because we all know that all dads would wish that. Instead, I'll just tell you that I cannot help but think about Jean-Mo when I see the light in Christophe's eyes. When I see my mom hugging him and I see how much she loves this adorable little man. I see family. I see Jean-Mo that keeps on living through the moments we spend together to celebrate life.

 :: Savannah, the giraffe, one of the projects that had to be kept secret when I wrote my last post ::
 :: Mikael always cracks the girls up! They still believe he puts pepper in his cereals! ::

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The creativity bug

Having access to more crafting material, a sewing machine and lots of time to occupy makes for quite the production here! The creativity bug has bitten hard and here are some of the projets that came out of the girls' inspiration since we hit home...

And there are more, but since they will be offered soon, they cannot be revealed just yet...

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Bath time with Ariane

Many of my friends had babies while we were away, so it's the grand baby tour now that we are back and you'll see more cute baby faces here than mountain formations or crooked cacti for the next week or so... I hope you'll forgive me, but this is the landcape of my life right now and I am indulging!

 :: Meet Sophie, my dear friends Karine and Alex's new family addition. Last week, we were blessed with Karine, Sophie and Ariane's presence for an overnighter! (you might remember how my girls love Ariane ::

Since we had crepes with Lisa, our girls always have a few of theirs with lemon zest and sugar. Aïsha prepared one for Ariane the next morning. It was a hit!

It is an interesting feeling to come back after a year and slip right back into your community, almost as if you had just left. New babies are pretty much the only reminders that time has indeed past. It is great to meet with friends, see our kids play together, and try to have conversations in the midst of it all... 

It is a funny feeling to long for more adventures and travel when at the same time, it feels really good to be surrounded by people you love so much and that love you back...

Thursday, June 13, 2013

My people

You left beautiful comments on my last posts and it really touched my heart. A friend who just had a baby talked about transition during birth, when one feels on the verge of vertigo and looses ones point of reference. As tremendously sharp and intense as this transition phase is, it doesn't usually last, as long as one doesn't fear it or push it away. Through the pain, one needs to welcome it, loses ones footing and surrender to better move on to the next phase.

I am already moving into that next phase, getting acquainted with the pleasures of daily sedentary life. I am finding my feet again. And spending wonderful moments with dear friends and family members is making me feel at home. It is grounding me. My people.

  :: The adorable Laurel, our godson (he is the third child of our dear friends Steph and JF). And yes, beet lipstick (next photo), the best invention by crunchy mamas! ::

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Switching gear

I feel like a bike that has been going downhill fast for too long... The gears are rusty from the salty sea breeze. It stubbornly refuses to move back into granny gear, missing the big strides, the fluid movements, the fast-changing landscape.

It doesn't like the dripping sweat of hill-climbing, the teeth-clenching...

I'd skip the long grind up and move on directly to the top of the next summit to bike down, but sometimes life has its own idea, and surrendering is not my forte...

Embracing the hardship until it's dealt with internally.

I will soon find joy again.
Right now, I need to face the pain.
It would be much easier to sell everything and keep going.

But I'd skip the lesson...

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Embracing my mom-ness

The return isn’t smooth sailing for me. I feel like I am stepping back in time. It feels awkward. I feel clumsy and incompetent in that job that I used to do with so much pleasure and efficiency. That ʺroleʺ I was so proud of. I feel like I spend most of my time tidying up, cleaning, cooking, working… being a mom, the way I used to do it. The way I feel done with. I feel like the girls are also back to their old selves in a way, leaving the doors open, fighting over toys, saying mama-mama-mama all.the.time. Needing projects, needing activities. It’s weird. It’s so different. So fast. I expected to have more time to deal with the transition, but I don’t and I’ll be honest with you, I am struggling.
  :: On the first night we arrived, they asked me to show them how to do long additions (with thousands)... at 9 pm! ::

As I pace around the house, folding the upteenth batch of laundry, picking more Lego while scraping my calves on the half-emptied boxes from storage still waiting to be taken care of, I try to chase the negativity that wants to take over. I felt like we had reached a place of peace as a family this year, a place of joy. A nagging voice inside of me wants to say that it’s easy to be happy and joyful when one travels, but much more challenging when one is back in a different reality and that maybe, just maybe, I haven’t changed that much, we haven’t changed that much…
Right now, amidst a little girl that wants to sew a Waldorf doll and knit another doll and bake rhubarb and strawberry pies and make kale chips and plant a garden all on the very same day (ohhh Mathilde!), lots of translation work to do, lots of other kind of work to do and lots of adaptation to do, I give myself permission to feel like my world is upside down. I am not planning to dwell on it or to wallow in it, but I need to just feel it.
 :: Rediscovering the beloved dress-up chest! ::

I am truly happy to see my friends and family members, however, and they really make our return exciting. Hugging my dear friend Nini who lost her husband this year while we were away was a moment I had been waiting for for a long time. I was so happy to see her and it was so beautiful to see my girls and her boys play together all day as if they had seen each other the day before, without a single fight!

Meeting 4 month old Naomie, the first baby in our family, the girl’s cousin (JF  sister’s baby) was a very special moment for all of us. She is so adorable!

I know this too shall pass. There are much worst things than feeling down after a wonderful family travel experience... but this is my truth right now. Being a mom on the road and a mom at home is so very different. I did not realize how much until I came back.