The return isn’t smooth sailing for me. I feel like I am stepping back in time. It feels awkward. I feel clumsy and incompetent in that job that I used to do with so much pleasure and efficiency. That ʺroleʺ I was so proud of. I feel like I spend most of my time tidying up, cleaning, cooking, working… being a mom, the way I used to do it. The way I feel done with. I feel like the girls are also back to their old selves in a way, leaving the doors open, fighting over toys, saying mama-mama-mama all.the.time. Needing projects, needing activities. It’s weird. It’s so different. So fast. I expected to have more time to deal with the transition, but I don’t and I’ll be honest with you, I am struggling.
:: On the first night we arrived, they asked me to show them how to do long additions (with thousands)... at 9 pm! ::
As I pace around the house, folding the upteenth batch
of laundry, picking more Lego while scraping my calves on the half-emptied
boxes from storage still waiting to be taken care of, I try to chase the negativity
that wants to take over. I felt like we had reached a place of peace as a
family this year, a place of joy. A nagging voice inside of me wants to say
that it’s easy to be happy and joyful when one travels, but much more
challenging when one is back in a different reality and that maybe, just
maybe, I haven’t changed that much, we
haven’t changed that much…
:: Rediscovering the beloved dress-up chest! ::
I am truly happy to see my friends and family members,
however, and they really make our return exciting. Hugging my dear friend Nini
who lost her husband this year while we were away was a moment I had been
waiting for for a long time. I was so happy to see her and it was so
beautiful to see my girls and her boys play together all day as if they had
seen each other the day before, without a single fight!
I know this too shall pass. There are much worst things than feeling down after a wonderful family travel experience... but this is my truth right now. Being a mom on the road and a mom at home is so very different. I did not realize how much until I came back.
13 comments:
Sending you lots of good thoughts Catherine as you transition back to your other life. xo
I should rephrase that. Not "back to your other life", but "as you transition into the next phase of your life". That's more friendly, I think. True too. You are not going backwards at all!
Very true, Penny... The next phase! I need to see it in that light! Thanks my friend! I really appreciate your words and support!
je t'embrasse et je pense a toi cath. merci de partager tout ca avec nous.
Are you done traveling? Or, pausing from travels? Transitions are typically not seamless, right?
I am wishing for you some peaceful moments alone to catch your breath amidst the chaos.
Merci Isa!
Rachel, it is very likely a pause only, but not knowing is hard for me. I like plans and clear projects. I like to know have a direction. It is a life lesson (another one!!)... Yes, I sure need some peaceful moments to catch my breath... I do.
Ah, I can only imagine that this is a huge transition for you all! We are often irritable after just a week away- and you have been on huge, long adventures together! Good luck with the transitions for all of you, and I hope it settles out quickly for you all!
i've been touched by this post, and wish i'd have the words to write the meaningful comment it deserves. what strikes me is that you always write about your struggles with such clarity and sharp perspective, which i think are first necessary steps to balance. hugs.
Thank you, Taisa!
Francesca, you comment means the world to me. I often wonder if I put myself out there too much...
Sometimes, it is hard to see so clearly through yourself!
Oh Hon, what a treasure to read this. A treasure because it's a peak into your heart, and any time someone shares their struggle we are privileged to share that. And also a treasure because what you are experiencing is a very real part of transition and I struggle through transitions in a similar way. Full of self doubt and discomfort, "what have we done!"
I've been thinking a lot lately about the importance of periods of discomfort - emotionally, physically, spiritually - in our lives. I want to avoid them SO MUCH but doing so would really stifle all the growth we are meant to experience. Growing is discomforting. I see this in my children all the time. Their muscles and ligaments literally hurt in the growth.
You know this, but what you are feeling will not last and you are wise to let yourself experience it. Acknowledge it. It is what it is. A sense of loss, a feeling of disorientation. You will find your feet again and that place where your family life feels like it's the best it can be.
Sending (( hugs )).
Now I need to read this in my next difficult transition period (smile).
Renee! I think this is the most beautiful comment someone ever wrote on my blog... Thank you so much for taking the time to do so... You have no idea what it means to me right now. Let me know when it's a good time to chat. Love, Catxx
Les transitions... hier je parlais avec une amie qui vient d'avoir eu son bébé... on parlait de cette phase de l'accouchement, la transition, où il y a un shift hormonal très important et on a un vertige, un sentiment de perdre pied, de mourrir... c est souvent là que les femmes demandent l'épidurale... ms en fait, cette phase est la transition entre la fin du travail, et le début de la poussée, donc le bébé arrive, ds les prochains instants... ton post m'a bcp fait penser à ce genre de transition. un vertige, une perte de repères, mais cette phase de transition, aussi fulgurante et intense soit elle, ne dure pas longtemps habituellement. Il ne faut juste pas la repousser et en avoir peur mais l'accueillir, comme tu le fais si bien. s'accueillir et s'écouter, se permettre d'être tout croche, de perdre pied, pour mieux passer dans la phase d'après.
Je suis sûre que ds qqs temps, tu arriveras à goûter à tous les petits plaisirs qui sont uniques à la vie routinière et sédentaire, voir le verre plein (plein de bains, plein de cuisines, d'amis, de famille, de projets, de jouets, etc), avant de peut être repartir. C'est une respiration tout ca et ca redonnera bcp de valeur à vos prochains voyages, car voyager tout le temps, on finit par ne plus tant apprécier...
aussi, tu te souviens de steiner qui disait que les grosses fièvres, après ca l'enfant avait mûri, était passé à un autre stade... j'ai l'impression que ta transition est un peu comme ca.
courage ma chère!
j'ai hâte de te voir
becs
Jo
Que c'est beau ce que tu dis, Jo... Ça me parle énormément... Je lis et je relis en hochant la tête de haut en bas. Oui, oui, oui. C'est ça. Tout à fait... Une transition à laquelle il faut s'abandonner, à laquelle il faut dire OUI, comme dans l'accouchement. Une fièvre qui nous verra transformer de l'autre côté. Merci de cette belle sagesse chère amie. J'ai tellement hâte de te serrer dans mes bras!
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