Sunday, March 14, 2010

A change of heart

Disclosure: some seriously unrelated photos are displayed in this post...

Avertissement : ce message contient certaines photos qui n'ont vraiment aucun lien avec le sujet discuté...



I love that expression : a change of heart. As in my heart changed his mind. Or is it my mind that changed my heart? All I know is that we are not going to the farm anymore. I know, you did not expect this one, did you? As excited and enthousiastic as I was about that project, I kept hearing a little voice inside of me saying that it was plain too much. I tried to ignore it calling her fear, pleasure-and-easy-life-seeker or party pooper... But it kept talking. And after listening carefully, I called her intuition, then I called her wisdom.



J'adore cette expression (littéralement : un changement de coeur). Comme si mon cœur avait changé d'idée. Ou était-ce plutôt mon esprit qui a influencé mon cœur? Tout ce que je sais, c'est que nous n'allons plus à la ferme. Je sais, vous ne vous attendiez pas à ça, n'est-ce pas? Aussi enthousiaste et emballée que j'étais à l'idée de ce projet, je ne pouvais faire taire cette petite voix en moi qui disait que c'était tout simplement trop. J'ai essayé de l'ignorer, je l'appelais « peur », « hédoniste » ou « emmerdeuse »... Mais elle continuait de parler. Et après l'avoir écoutée attentivement, je l'ai appelée « intuition », puis je l'ai baptisée « sagesse ».

I told you before: I want to do less. I am tired. I want to exchange some satisfaction against some fun. I want to be able to go camping whenever I feel like it. I want to go visit my friends that I miss so much in the Yukon, I simply want to go for dinner to someone's place without thinking about the farm chores. I want to stay close to my mom's and to my grandma's new home (the farm was about 1 hour and a half from here).



Je vous l'ai déjà dit : je veux en faire moins. Je suis fatiguée. Je veux troquer un peu de satisfaction contre du plaisir. Je veux pouvoir aller camper si j'en ai envie. Je veux aller visiter mes amis qui me manquent tant au Yukon. Je veux simplement pouvoir aller souper chez des amis sans avoir à me soucier du train. Je veux rester proche de chez ma mère et de la nouvelle résidence de ma grand-mère (la ferme était à environ 1 h 30 d'ici).

So here's the deal: we're selling this big house and looking for a smaller one in the same area. We will find new homes for our animals and hopefully we will be able to visit them. We will help some friends that have a farm and can never take a break and just look for opportunities to help people in our community that are farming and gardening.


:: In Italy, when someone moves house it is a tradition to offer him a snail for good luck ::
:: En Italie, quand quelqu'un déménage, c'est une tradition de lui offrir un escargot pour lui porter chance ::

Alors, voilà : on vend cette grande maison et on en cherche une plus petite dans le même coin. Nous allons trouver de nouvelles maisons pour nos animaux et j'espère qu'on pourra aller les visiter. Nous aiderons des amis qui ont une ferme et qui ne réussissent jamais à prendre de vacances et nous chercherons des occasions d'aider les gens de notre communauté qui ont une ferme et des jardins.



:: We will find a new home for our bunnies ::
:: Nous trouverons une nouvelle maison pour nos lapins ::

We have chosen to work from home (actually from anywhere really, as long as we have a computer) and to homeschool to be more free. Being self-sufficient is about freedom, but it's a different kind of freedom. I am sure we will have some animals again later on, just not right now. Now, we will be translators, parents, homeschoolers, travelers, community helpers and you know what: it will be good enough!



Nous avons choisi de travailler de la maison (en fait, de n'importe où tant qu'on a un ordinateur) et de faire l'école à la maison pour être plus libres. L'auto-suffisance amène une liberté, mais il s'agit d'une autre forme de liberté. Je suis certaine que nous aurons à nouveau des animaux un jour, mais pas maintenant. Maintenant, nous serons traducteurs, parents, éducateurs à la maison, voyageurs, aides dans la communauté et vous savez quoi : ça sera suffisant!


Freed from the weight of my ideals, I finally breathe.

Libérée du poids de mes idéaux, je respire enfin.

25 comments:

cypress said...

Whew, Catherine...I don't know what to say. I thought you were astonishingly brave when you decided to go for it and join the community and now I think you are EVEN BRAVER for listening to your intuition and changing your course. Big hugs.
(and Toucie says 'bisou bisou' to the girls...who seem like friends to us)

onegoldensun said...

I really honor you for listening to your own intuition and knowing when too much is too much. I can relate to having to give up some ideals for a life that works, and I think that every dream has it's time when it can manifest. Patience, and knowing when to slow down and enjoy is so good. I love to appreciate my friends with farms, and yet, I am also not ready to take on that much. Blessings on your journey!

Catherine said...

Thank you friends for your warm words. They are filling my heart! It was not an easy decision to make and I do feel even braver for having made it.

Bisous, bisous to Toucie too! She is so sweet!

gardenmama said...

You are a very wise mama. Following your hearts leading is truly the best and only way to go. I absolutely understand when you write -

"I tried to ignore it calling her fear, pleasure-and-easy-life-seeker or party pooper... But it kept talking. And after listening carefully, I called her intuition, then I called her wisdom"

It is not always easy to decipher those feelings but truly we know when we hear that little voice not to ignore her. It certainly takes learning, time and wisdom to really follow that inner voice. I realize that people were surprised when we moved from such a beautiful place yet it was almost as simple as the ocean was calling us and we can't ignore our heart in that sense either. It is so great that you were able to experience farm life and understand just what that is, I know I never want to live with regret of wishing and hoping we had tried something new. Why wait until 'retirement' to live the life of your dreams? Life is now and there is no time like the present.

I wish you warmth, peace and happiness in this journey with your family, it sounds like it is going to be absolutely wonderful! xo

La Marmotine said...

Heureuse de voir que ton cheminement t'as mené à la sérénité que l'on sent dans tes mots.
Dommage que nous soyons si loin géographiquement, je t'aurais hébergé quelques animaux volontiers.
Je t'embrasse.

cathie63 said...

la voix de la sagesse.j'espère que vouspourrez facilement vendre votre maison et vivre plus cool

cathie63 said...

la voix de la sagesse;j'espère que vouspourrez vendre facilement votre belle maison et mener une vie plus cool,cool

csil said...

Ce qui compte c'est que vous soyez en paix avec vous-même et sur la même longueur d'onde avec ton mari.
Bonne route vers la sérénité

csil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
csil said...

grr ... tout mon commentaire c'est effacé ...
ce n'est pas toujours facile de se trouver entre nos idéaux et ce qui est bon pour nous ... je suis en permanence coincée entre les deux ... pas toujours facile de faire des choix ...
A bientôt !

mama quilla said...

très bonne décision puisque c'est la votre ! je vous souhaite un peu plus de sérénité et moins de fatigue !
bises !

Earth Mama said...

Sometimes we may not understand the purpose of that little inner voice, bu tI always think that it knows better than us. We have too many walls of judgement, yet the little voice always knows what is best for us and will lead us to where we shoudl be. Yay for braving the path.

:)Lisa

Carrie said...

Sounds like you found that clarity that comes with "sleeping on it". Your community seems wonderful and I'm sure you will not feel disappointed with your decision to simplify. Someone once reminded me that "Home is where you hang your hat" and this is so true to me. Good luck.

renee ~ heirloom seasons said...

Wonderful to trust wisdom, to find your way... wishing you and your family a beautiful journey!

Philippe said...

Bravo Catherine, c'est un beau "lâcher prise" que tu viens de réaliser. Oui, je crois aussi qu'il faille appeler ça "sagesse", sans le moindre doute! La sagesse de bien faire ce que l'on choisit de faire, en y consacrant le temps nécessaire, la sagesse de concentrer plutôt que de diluer tes énergies, de se recentrer sur ses priorités, sur son bien-être, de ralentir.

Et, en définitive, le but c'est d'être bien, non? C'est de se modeler la vie que l'on souhaite, au quotidien. Je pense aussi qu'il te reviens d'évaluer constamment tes choix et leur impact sur ton bien-être au quotidien, et d'ajuster le tir si nécessaire, comme tu viens de le faire. Je te dis Bravo.

Le fait que vous soyez traducteurs à la maison et que vous fassiez l'éducation de vos filles également à la maison est déjà l'expression d'une liberté délibérée peu commune.

Cette petite voix qui ne se taisait pas, ça me rappelle quelque chose que j'ai lu récemment,qui disait (grosso-modo) "quand notre intellect et nos émotions disent des choses contraires, c'est toujours l'intellect qui nous ment"

Alors je te dis simplement Wow ;)

valeria said...

Mi manchi sorellina, sai essere di profonda ispirazione e mi piacerebbe avere la tua saggezza e il tuo coraggio.
Mi ha colpito soprattutto l'ultima frase, io pure mi sento schiacciata dalla mia stessa voglia di fare la cosa perfetta, la migliore per me, per i miei genitori, per la mia carriera e in questo groviglio finisco per non respirare più e non godermi nulla di cio' che faccio.
Posso solo augurarmi di arrivare ad avere il coraggio di seguire il mio cuore come tu hai fatto.
buona fortuna e abbraccia la tua splendida famiglia da parte mia...spero di poterti venire a trovare presto!

Maripol said...

Quelques fois, on met la barre un peu haut sans s'en rendre compte mais sans l'atteindre non plus.
C'est un grand pas que de s'en apercevoir. Chaque chose en son temps, comme disent les anciens.
Qui sait, dans quelques temps, ce sera le moment...
Je te souhaite plus de légèreté et en même temps de réaliser tes missions, car l'école à la maison est déjà une grande chose!
Amicalement,
Maripol

heather said...

wow dear friend. i get it. i am so inspired by watching and witnessing you go through this process. with such clarity and humility it seems. even if what is clear one day is not the next. even what you are clear about is that you aren't clear. mmmm, you sound so light. and those pictures do not feel random at all to me. but i thought that disclosure was funny. i just had so much fun catching up on your blog. with my cup of tart cherry juice. you rlong hat is hilarious and cool! i would wear that! that february sweater is amazing too. wow. to be that good of a knitter, i do aspire. my kids are wanting to use needles too. zhi is an awesome finger knitter, but still not ready for needles. we've tried a few times. you can tell your girls about zhi, if it's hard for them to catch on, jsut to help them feel like it's not just them.

Penny said...

Catherine, I totally honor what you have said here. In fact I understand fully. I too have had a change of heart regarding our lives - big, big changes all 'round. The nice things about changes is that once you make them and they feel right and good, you can keep on making them with confidence, and create your best life at any given time. Fear of change is a very limiting thing indeed.

Best wishes as you journey forth in freedom. I grew up on a farm. I hardly ever saw my parents and we never left. You are doing a good thing.

I want you to know, I always read your blog (though I never comment)- and you have a wonderful family that is a pleasure to read about, no matter the circumstances!

Julie said...

Catherine, j'admire ta force et ta sagesse d'avoir su entendre et comprendre le message de ta petite voix! Moi, ma petite voix me dit tellement de choses que je comprends rarement ce qu'elle essaie réellement de me dire! ;0)
Vous avez l'air d'avoir fait un choix sensé, équilibré. Bonne chance dans votre "nouvelle" vie, de tout mon coeur!

Nadine said...

Good for you for listening to your heart...your intuition...I believe we were meant to listen to that inner stirring ...and you were obedient to it...
not always an easy thing to do and I admire your strength for doing it...

Have a blessed week-end!

Laurence said...

Catherine, tu es tout simplement fantastique. Je regrette de ne pas pouvoir te rencontrer.
Je t'embrasse bien fort.
Laurence

Laurence said...

Bonjour Catherine, merci pour ta petite visite, je t'ai répondu en italien sur mon blog :-).
Bisous
Laurence

Francesca said...

I don't think it's a change of heart. It's moving on. I'm sure you and your family have grown richer from this experience, and are now ready for something else. Hugs.

in said...

WOW WOW WOW! I have been a little lax on my blog reading and forum visits and just saw this news! WOW! Congratulations Catherine for listening to your intuition - you are such a gentle, loving and wise soul. WOW! I really feel much happiness for yourself and your family upon hearing this decision - I think everything you talk about now seems to fit what you were wanting perfectly. I can hear the tone and feel the happiness and contentment in the words you write and the way it is all said - this seems right for you with the way you speak of it all. Well done xxx